


SBURB Patch Notes

by catalyticGenesis



Series: Musings and Thoughts on Sburb [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Replay Value, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 05:31:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8785066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catalyticGenesis/pseuds/catalyticGenesis
Summary: A collection of patch notes from earlier versions of Sburb, discovered through questionable means, but quite amusing and useful.





	1. General Patch Notes I

Minor patch: All consorts now cast shadows, regardless of terrain.

MAJOR PATCH: Can no longer create Genesis Frog multiple times.

Major patch: No longer possible for Derse Assassins or Archagent to plot to assassinate self (unless they are a lunatic).

Minor patch: The underlings will now be more prone to head in the "right" direction.

Minor patch: Babies don't start with a strife specibus.

Minor patch: Adjusted value of frogs.

Abilities: Breath player’s body no longer deforms when activating combo ‘Eye of Storm Wrath of Storm God’ after earning the ‘Gift of Gab’

Inventory: Consorts are no longer duplicated when utilizing Transportalizer .

Minor patch: Fixed an issue that could cause the Time player to catch on fire and not be able to be put out.

Gear: Added animation to Scissorkind. Removed Time damage from basic scissors? Added piece damage.

Minor patch: Consorts’ crops should no longer insta-kill a player for attempting to harvest them.

Minor patch: Consorts no longer turn into grist when killed.

Minor patch: Underlings no longer throw parties at the player’s Dwelling Spire.

Minor patch: Rain no longer kills everything it lands on.

Minor patch: Consorts should no longer spawn in lava.

Minor patch: Time players should no longer become frozen in time with no way to re-enter time continuum.


	2. Aquatic Land Patches

Refined Consort Selection: Consorts will no longer drown immediately.

Refined Consort Selection: Available Consorts for Underwater Lands: Salamanders, Axolotls, Newts, and Frogs.

MAJOR PATCH: REMOVED FROGS

Minor patch: Added aquatic toads. These do not seem to have the same problematic effects as frogs do.

Minor patch: Removed code allowing players to use all frogs in Frog Breeding.

Minor patch: Added routine checking for player’s ability to breathe underwater.

Major patch: Only aquatic denizens will appear.

Minor patch: Forbids Yaldabaoth from underwater lands!

Minor patch: Consorts no longer float to the surface when idle.

Minor patch: Land familiars are now aquatic as well.

Major patch: Time players’ Reset Device will now be above water.

Minor patch: Fixed gate deactivation.

Major patch: After entering a gate to an underwater land, the player may immediately return through the gate if they cannot breathe.

MAJOR PATCH: The Nightmare Heir can now breathe underwater.

Major patch: The Underworld is no longer underwater.

MAJOR PATCH: Fixed bug where Angels escape the Underworld.

Minor patch: Water will no longer solidify around players.

Minor patch: Denizen can no longer freeze essential game mechanics, including the player.

Minor patch: Underlings no longer float.

Minor patch: Pumpkins no longer disable water replenishing rate.

Major patch: Water replenishing rate is no longer tied to Verdancy.

Major patch: Denizen can no longer drain all water.

Minor patch: Grist’s attraction to the player is increased.

Minor patch: ‘Sugar’ Grist category no longer dissolves underwater.


	3. Genesis Frog Patches Part 1

Major patch: Added algorithm ensuring the Space player’s land will contain frogs. This overwrites the last component of the players land.

Note: There seems to be a minor dialogue bug with consorts trying to say the land name with this update. Typically comes out as “Land of [     ] and DETAG345eieje54y7tSNH”. Minor enough.

Minor patch: Random Land generator can no longer produce ‘Frogs’ as an outcome.

MAJOR PATCH: Removed Echidna’s ‘Denizen Quest’ plotline. She is harmless now, and will not kill the player.

Update: She will still kill the player if pressed. Whoops.

Minor patch: Restricted title ‘Knight of Space’. The Knight player is supposed to go on the quest _with_ the Space player, not _be_ the Space player.

Minor patch: Space’s denizen can no longer be Yaldabaoth.

Major patch: Space’s denizen will always be Echidna.

Minor patch: Fixed bug where Cetus, Delphinus, Chalchiuhtlatonal, Uncegila, and other underwater denizens appear after the Space player Stokes the Forge.

MAJOR PATCH: Space’s denizen will only be Echidna.

Minor patch: The Forge will now be Stoked when the player completes a task for Echidna.

Minor patch: The Stoking of the Forge will now activate frogs.

Major patch: Fixed early frog activation.

Minor patch: Frog deactivation no longer occurs.

Major patch: Fixed Paradox Cloning. Frogs no longer disappear from pre-session.

MAJOR PATCH: Fixed frog instability ratios.

Minor patch: Frogs should no longer disappear pre-session.

Update: Frogs remain unstable.

Minor patch: Mutant frogs no longer qualify.

Major patch: Final Frog must be obtained before the task is marked complete.

MAJOR PATCH: You can no longer use a paradox clone of the same frog for the entire process.

Minor patch: In absence of frogs, there will be frogs roaming the session.

MAJOR PATCH: Excess frogs no longer spawn in empty space.

Minor patch: Frogs will no longer spawn in the Space player’s lungs.

Minor patch: Frogs will no longer spawn in the Space player.

Minor patch: Frogs will no longer spawn in any player.

WARNING: Do not let Void or Mist players near the frogs.

Minor patch: Restricted titles ‘Knight of Void’ and ‘Knight of Mist’ until further research on frogs is complete.

Reactivated Knight of Void and Knight of Mist. Should no longer unhinge frogs from reality.

Minor patch: Mist players can no longer fog frogs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's me, catalyticGenesis, still in the Furthest Ring, still not dead, and still trying to finish the guide to ring travel. however, idk what else needs to go in there.  
> for now im just giving yall some patch notes we found by digging through places we ought not.  
> if yall have any ideas of what topics youd like to see patch notes from, tell us so we can go digging for suitably amusing stuff. man i swear the sburb developers were always drunk. its a mess.


	4. General Patch Notes II

Minor patch: Removed underling discrimination.

Minor patch: Debuffed gardening a little.

Major patch: Murder, in the first degree.

Major patch: Mist players, after attempting to fog frogs, will no longer be stuck as a toad forever.

Minor patch: Mist players, after attempting to fog frogs, will no longer be stuck as a toad for more than a day.

Minor patch: Maturity quests should no longer cause depression.

Major patch: Maturity quests will no longer cause happiness.

Major patch: Engaging in intercourse during the Genesis Frog Saga will no longer cause the result to be classified as a frog.

Minor patch: Engaging in intercourse during the Genesis Frog Sage will no longer have any effect.

Minor patch: Cleaned up the Land Familiar Situation.

Minor patch: Upon inhalation, the Land Familiars can no longer cause a player to suffocate.

Minor patch: Death by Land Familiar no longer automatically counts as Just.

Major patch: Repaired blood viscosity.

Minor patch: Blood viscosity repairs only apply once the blood has left the player’s body.

MAJOR PATCH: Jack Noir removed from list of possible Land Familiars.

Minor patch: Denizens can no longer remove God Tier Immortality.

Minor patch: Death after telling a bad joke no longer counts as Just.

Minor patch: Telling a bad joke before death no longer prevents death from becoming Just.

Major patch: Bad jokes no longer have any effect on whether a death is considered Just or Heroic.

Major patch: Included toilets.

Minor patch: Consorts and Underlings will no longer meddle with toilets.

Major patch: Alchemizing a toilet and a wearable together will no longer grant unconditional immortality.

Minor patch: Glass removed from list of edibles.

Major patch: Dead players will no longer revive when made fun of.

MAJOR PATCH: Jack Noir will no longer revive whenever his name is spoken.

Minor patch: Consort hitboxes no longer include their shadow.

Major patch: Fire alarms will no longer activate in the presence of a Flow player.

Minor patch: Performing Satanic Rituals in front of a denizen will now cause agitation.

Minor patch: Added seventeen new colors, all colors unable to be seen by the player’s eyes.

Minor patch: Colors are now visible.

Major patch: Colorblindness no longer allows the player to see colors outside of the human vision range.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the extended absence, we ran into some troubles, limited reception, and possible loss of a player? will elaborate in future transmissions.


	5. Dreaming Patches

Minor patch: Players will no longer retain flight outside of the Dream Moon Zone

Major patch: Installed artificial antigravity outside the Dream Moon Zone. Players should no longer endlessly plummet through space after exiting the Dream Moon Zone while dreaming.

Minor patch: Uninstalled artificial gravity outside the Dream Moon Zone. Seems that combining artificial antigravity and artificial antigravity does not produce good results.

Minor patch: Fixed that bug with the transparent dreaming robes for Rogues?

Minor patch: Archagent can now identify players from the other moon, and will attempt to stab them.

Major patch: Archagent can now identify players from the other moon, even if they are not wearing their dreaming robes.

Minor patch: Naked players attempting to exploit the “Archagent Identifying Bug” will be imprisoned for public indecency.

Minor patch: _All_ naked players will be imprisoned for public indecency

Major patch: Naked players will be given clothing and released after a certain period of time in prison, instead of being trapped there forever.

Minor patch: When hiding in a Designated Garbage Zone, players will no longer be marked as disposable and disposed of in the Royal Vault.

Major patch: Garbage Disposal Carapaces will always recognize when there is a player hiding in a Designated Garbage Zone.

Minor patch: Garbage Disposal Carapaces will no longer attempt to put players into the Royal Vault, regardless of the player’s standing on the Dream Moon.

Major patch: Archagent will no longer spontaneously teleport when mentioned.

Minor patch: Fixed bug where every time the Archagent was mentioned by a carapace, another would spawn.

Minor patch: Upped Courtyard Droll’s illogicality factor.

Major patch: Carapaces will hold less funeral parades for players who are not actually dead.

Major patch: Carapaces will not hold funeral parades in the player in question’s dreamself protests said funeral parade.

Major patch: Inactive dreamselves will no longer be thrown into the Royal Vault.

Minor patch: Murder aspect of the Archagent has been lowered by 31%.

Major patch: Regisword now deals 32% more damage, to make up for lowering the Archagent’s murder aspect.

Minor patch: Regisword damage buff is no longer applicable to players.

Major patch: Upon delivery to the P____ M___ (Mail Quest Giver), Regisword damage is increased by 37%.

Minor patch: If the Regisword is wielded left-handed, the Red Miles will no longer activate.

Minor patch: Regisword can no longer activate Red Miles under any circumstance.

Major patch: P____ M___ will no longer participate in the Black King fight unprompted.

Minor patch: P____ M___ will participate in the Black King fight if he has somehow interfered with mail delivery.

Minor patch: Pumpkins should no longer.

Major patch: Dreamselves will not respawn once the dreamself has left the kingdom.

Minor patch: Dreaming robes will no longer automatically change color upon leaving the planet.


End file.
